OK, I have to admit that most of the Life Hacker posts have gone down hill in the past two years or so. Pablum for the masses and all.
If you want to be a successful Entrepreneur it is a must.
You need this to defend yourself from what it going to happen as you become successful and you will become successful. Why? Because you are one of the smart people that read this blog for one reason. Seriously, unsuccessful people do not take the time to read things like this. They already know it all.
Einstein himself said ” I am a student of physics” after he came up with E=MC2. He considered himself a student.
Here is the excerpt from the post and you can go read the rest. But his conclusion I believe is wrong and I will tell you right now the only thing you should do.
Dump them like the plague or if you had a big pile of dog poo in front of you. AVOID IT AND THEM AT ALL COSTS. There is nothing cool about them or the pile of poo. Just freekin don’t step in it and turn away from these losers. IMMEDIATELY!!!! They have nothing good to offer you. Turn the other way and don’t look back. Do not fall for them. OK? Enough said…
How to Combat Emotional Warfare and Root Out the Manipulative, Abusive People in Your Life
Everyone’s capable of being a jerk now and then, but a select few seem to have adopted the behavior as a lifelong career. Perhaps its an undermining coworker, a jealous friend, or a controlling boss that’s the source of your frequent emotional abuse. Regardless of the situation, it’s time to put a stop to it now. Here’s what to do.
A few personal experiences of my own have taught me a fair amount about dealing with abusive people, but I’m not a professional. Roger S. Gil, on the other hand, is a marriage and family therapist who has plenty to say about getting out of an abusive situation. I spoke with him to learn about the telltale signs of manipulation and abuse and how to fight back when you find yourself a victim. With Roger’s help, we’re going to take a look at how you can easily detect the signs of emotional warfare and how to deal with the problem so that you can live a happier and healthier life.
How to Detect the Signs of Emotional Warfare
While it’s easy to recognize when we’re in a problematic situation, we’re often reluctant to label it as (emotional) abuse. That’s a strong word, and so we generally justify the behavior as just a negative personality trait or two. In this section we’re going to look at a few common traits and strategies that are common with emotionally abusive people.
They Exploit Your Sympathies
If you ever want someone to do something for you, it’s very simple: make them feel like you desperately need their help. Master manipulators will play on your sympathies because they know it’s one of the simplest ways to get what they want. Even if you know you’re being manipulated, it’s very hard to turn someone away who appears desperate. If they’ve successfully deceived you in the past by exploiting your good nature, you know what kind of person you’re dealing with. Don’t let this behavior continue.
They Conceal Evil in Altruism
The difference between good and evil is often intention. When an abusive person does something bad, it’s easy to spin that bad thing into a positive by trying to convince you they did it for a good reason. Perhaps a coworker took credit for one of your ideas but claimed to cover for you because your boss thought it was stupid. In reality they likely just stole the idea for their own benefit, but when conveying the outcome to you it sounds like they took a bullet on your behalf. You’ll have a hard time proving what really happened because if they’re telling the truth you’ll end up looking bad and if they’re lying you’ll look petty to your boss. Either way you lose and you can’t know either way. You can feel when someone is really watching out for you. When you have doubts, it’s likely manipulation. Watch out for concealed altruism. It plays on your doubts and puts you in a stalemate. If you encounter this behavior, aim to put a stop to it immediately.
They Play On Your Guilt
Guilt is an awful sort of thing that punishes good people and ignores the bad. We feel guilt because we don’t want to hurt others. People who don’t care—the type that will conduct emotional warfare—know you feel this way and will exploit it for their own gain. For example, they may ask you to take care of something for them. Perhaps you have plans one night but they claim to have an emergency and need you to come over/help them with work/babysit/whatever nonetheless. They’ll beg and plead and try to convince you how awful things will be if you don’t help them, all the while ignoring the impact it will have on you. If this happens, remind them of that impact and do not help them if they’re the type to never return the favor.
They Charm You When You’re Upset
Few people are going to let themselves be manipulated by a dull, boring individual. Most abusive people are able to do what they do because they’re charming. If you confront their behavior or argue with them, they’ll pull out that charm to make you feel important and loved. This is a kind of misdirection that will stop you from thinking too much about why you’re mad and remembering all the things you like about them. By the time you’re done talking, you’ll have a smile on your face and the problem won’t have been discussed at all. If this happens, you were being manipulated.
How to Deal with an Abusive Person In Your Life
If those common signs sound like someone you know, it’s time to confront the situation head-on. First, you have to figure out what to do. Here are the steps you need to take.
Recognize That the Problem is Them, Not You
First things first: you need to accept that there’s a problem. We often make excuses for the abusive people in our lives because they’re not just abusive—they have good qualities, too. The bad stuff is hard to quantify and so it’s easier to try and shove it under the rug. Roger suggests that we recognize that it isn’t just a problem for us, but a serious issue for the abusive person as well:
Manipulation, exploitation, and other worthy-of-a-soap-opera-character behaviors are often indicators of the kinds of traits that make up a personality disorder diagnosis. (Note: not all people who exploit, manipulate, or demean have a personality disorder.) Barring
any type of equally-maladaptive behavior on your part that might have provoked said person’s “wrath”, being the target of these types of behaviors probably means that the “mean person” likely has more issues than Sports Illustrated.
Generally, this means your sympathies are misplaced. Often times a manipulative individual will play on your sympathies—as we previous discussed—and you’ll feel bad for them because of one of many specific hardships that seem to turn up like clockwork. Instead, have compassion for the likelihood that they’re very troubled individuals. You may find that your relationship with this person needs to be severed, but that doesn’t mean there must be hate between you. Understanding that it 1) isn’t your fault and 2) they’re dealing with serious problems of their own helps provide much-needed context to this rough situation.